when your heart breaks

Screen Shot 2014-02-12 at 6.08.29 PM

when your heart breaks
you
and everybody else
work their hardest
to shuffle the pieces around
to arrange them in some kind of order
to make sense of how it broke to begin with
and we join them
because we aren’t used to a broken heart
and we only accept it when we are forced to
and we are only forced to
after it’s broken completely open.

When our hearts break
we
and everybody else
do our best
to come up with reasons
to find the connections
to uncover the mysteries
in the futile hope
that there’s sense to be made of a broken heart
that there’s sense to be made when our hearts break open.

But
we
and everybody else
realize
there’s no sense to be made of a broken heart
there’s no order to put the pieces in
there’s no reason that brings clarity
there’s no connection to be made
and if there is,
it does nothing toward putting pieces back together.

There’s no comfort in rearranging the pieces
of a broken heart.

So we finally take a huge gulp
of air from the world that turned its back on us
and we use that holy breath
to tell ourselves the painful
and maybe one day hopeful truth
that as of right now
a broken heart
is only a broken heart;
and that hearts are broken
until kingdom comes
on earth as in heaven.
But in the meantime
we are pushed with the challenge
to love and let our hearts break
because love comes from
the kingdom that
finally puts hearts back together.
finally. 

ER, Skyline Dr.
djordan

5 thoughts on “when your heart breaks

  1. Ginger says:

    Isn’t that funny how we all do that — all try to find order… reminds me of the piece you wrote not too long ago and the line that keeps rattling around my head about “everyone is losing his or her mind.”

    We’re all the same in some nonsensical ways — losing our minds and trying to put our hearts back together.

    • Most Hopeful says:

      Thanks for always reading and commenting, Ginger. A hard day and night tonight. A crazy maker. And we hope against hope that we aren’t the only ones. Thanks for being a reminder to me and no doubt to others.

  2. Flo says:

    Nicely said–both of you. Thanks

  3. Kathleen says:

    Funny, yesterday was a hard one for me as well. I lost my son very suddenly almost two months ago and my soon to be daughter-in-law lost the love of her life and the daddy of their 7 month old daughter.
    The brokenness of our hearts is agonizing, there is nothing to be done except to accept it and try to carry on. I know we’ll be united once again in heaven, but right now that just doesn’t help the broken-heartedness we feel.
    I embrace the challenge because I have no choice and the only comfort is the proof that I loved my son so much that I don’t think I’ll ever be completely whole again.

    • Most Hopeful says:

      Thank you so much for sharing, Kathleen. I’m so very, very sorry for your loss. You’re wise and strong getting up everyday with something missing. Your grandbaby will never forget it, and she will learn more about what love is and the kind of man her father was. Godspeed to you, Kathleen.

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