a race against the clock, and a willingness to pause

It’s been one meeting after another. It’s remained a race against the clock day in and day out. Class starting, support group starting, fundraiser planning, t-shirt making, early meetings, late meetings, long board meetings where hard work is refreshing, other long board meetings where hard work makes more problems.

It’s been the kind of multiple week stretch that refuses to wait for sleep or calm or slow to arrive before it begins again.

But the work is good, and filled with life and promises of life, so it’s an honor and a privilege.

But because it is an honor and a privilege doesn’t mean it’s not stressful and exhausting.

I raced in from one meeting to try and sit with a client for counseling today. As I attempted to lean back in my chair, clasping fingers behind my head so as to help him lean back and relax and calm down, I felt my heart beating rapidly. My cell phone started ringing as soon as the client began talking, and I could feel my mind start reeling wondering which thing, which job, which person it was.

And when I glanced back at the man, he had tears in his eyes as he was telling me his story, and his hopes.

My heart slowed suddenly. My mind came to a screeching halt.

Yesterday, I was clamoring away on the edge of a nerve, and a friend came by the office to drop something off. He spotted the frazzle, came in, sat down, and closed the door.

He stilled the clock for just a second, I dumped it all out, and then it was back to work for both of us.

I think today, with that client, the cost of ignoring that slice of a moment was apparent as I turned back from wondering who was on the buzzing phone and saw those tears on his cheek. It made me grateful for someone willing to pause yesterday on my behalf, and I hope it pushes me to pause the next time.

djordan
Pine Tree

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