You are tired,
(I think)
Of the always puzzle of living and doing;
And so am I.
///
You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and—
Just tired.
So am I.
– e.e. cummings –
when we feel trapped between
the way things are and
the way we know things should be
between
the work we have and
the work we can actually accomplish
between
the hours in a single day and
the heartaches in a single day
between
the insolvable injustices and
the imperative to seek and to do justice
between
the eyes of those we publicly hold responsible and
the eyes of ourselves that we privately shield from responsibility
we ask for a deeper and more burdening reminder
that you are the one who has built us
to be unsettled and undone
until justice comes
until peace flows
until humanity looks like itself again
until humanity is an icon of you again
and in that deeper and more burdening reminder
we ask that you would give us
deep breaths
deep honesty
deep heartbreak and
deep hope
that kingdom comes and
that kingdom will come on earth as in heaven
finally.
and until the finally,
we work toward the impossible things we have no power to change
knowing the desire to work toward them
is a gift from the God who has a habit of doing impossible things
amen
djordan
Pine Tree
we try our best to talk about it as if it does
but we know good and well as we hear the words
falling from our mouths
or dancing in our brains
that of course it makes no sense at all
of course the weak lose to the strong
of course the meek lose to the proud
of course the poor answer to the rich
of course the cheerful are better off than the tearful
of course the peaceful lose to the first to strike
and even when the story ends..
TO READ THE REST OF THE ORIGINAL POST FROM SEPT 2, 2012, CLICK HERE.
so we wait.
even the time we don’t think we’re waiting
we come to find out we were
working while ultimately waiting for work to matter
hoping while ultimately waiting for hope to count for something
dreaming while ultimately waiting for dreams to come true
praying while ultimately waiting to see if praying works somehow.
and every now and then,
we are honest enough with ourselves
and maybe one or two other people
to profess that we are actually
just waiting
while we work, hope and dream
we are really just waiting
with breath tied up tight
in the back of our stomachs or
in the front of our backs
waiting
to see
to feel
to know
to believe
that what we’ve waited for
is true after all.
not even true, sometimes.
just possible.
there’s courage and bravery in waiting.
whether we admit that’s what we’re doing or not.
djordan
Pine Tree
it’s a great fear we all have, of course
that silence that is so sharp it cuts the breath somewhere between our guts and our lips
people can hear us swallow when nothing is in our mouths
and the rattling of the air vents, or the cicadas, or the clock in the kitchen becomes ridiculously loud
and because we all fear those moments
we often leave the conversation safely above the grit of our worlds
above the fears we have about how we are seen
above the dreams we have about the things we could do
above the loneliness we hear as they speak about their lives
above the hopelessness that seems a bit stronger than the chance for something better
and because we fear those moments
where we’ve said something that can’t be handled
or because we’ve asked something that no one else has thought to ask
or because we think something we’ve all been told cannot be thought
because we fear that if we were to say it, ask it or think it
we would lose our breath
they would hear our spit
the clocks in the other rooms would get loud
we stay silent
we don’t say it
we don’t ask it
we don’t think it
and because we
the icons of the morning star
are afraid to speak and ask and think
the darkness continues.
but all it takes is a word.
djordan
Pine Tree Dr.
between signing papers
returning emails
standing at the printer
checking the voicemail
stamping the letter
kicking the printer
staring in the workroom fridge at everyone else’s food
we are actually doing a kind of magical work
we are actually making a difference in the world
we are actually building something true
we are actually unearthing something honest
we are actually seeking signs of the kingdom
but if we aren’t paying attention
and if we aren’t watching well
and if we aren’t listening earnestly
and if we aren’t walking humbly
we mistake the
papers and
emails and
printers and
letters
for details.
and we think we are
missing out on the real work
for the details.
but kicking the printer counts as real work.
it counts as a part of seeking signs of the kingdom.
Help us pay attention.
Help us watch well.
Help us listen earnestly.
Help us walk humbly.
Even as we kick the printer.
djordan
108 S Church
there is a love that never fails
there is a healing that always prevails
there is a hope that whispers a vow
a promise to wait
while we’re working it out
so come with your love
and wash over us
make us whole.
– sara groves
I’m reminded of the inherent power
in waiting
beyond our anger
beyond our grief
beyond our excitement
beyond our joy
beyond our anticipation
about the way things could be
or about the way things should be
or about the way things might be
Holding onto the hope of
what it means
to wait it out
to work it out
to watch as the waiting and the working
redeems anger and grief and even excitement and joy and anticipation
to push us into
something truer.
something that takes waiting on.
give us the strength to make the promise.
djordan
Pine Tree
Every so often
we find the people
we realize we have no way
of operating without
Every so often
we discover that there are people we need
to work
to think
to believe
to hope
to persevere
to dream
to show up
Every so often
we realize that while we wish those people
would be close enough to us that we could
meet them for coffee
meet them for lunch
pat their backs
shake their hands
bump their knuckles
but we discover
that the people we realize
we have no way of operating without
we need to work, think, believe, hope, persevere, dream, show up
are the people
whom you call to move on, to live elsewhere, to be other than here
and so we trust
that by your good wisdom
you know what you are doing
and that we can seek your face
and that we can push toward your ways
and that we can hope in your kingdom
while those people we have no way of operating without
while those people we need to work, think, believe, hope, persevere, dream, show up,
may not be right next to us
but will be a part of the family of people
you have called
to walk in your ways
toward the kingdom come.
give us courage.
amen.
djordan
Pine Tree Dr.
in the eyes
the way we make it clear
what we think about you
whether we speak kindly or not
in the tone
the way we make it known
if we think we are lucky to know you or
if we think you are lucky to have found us
in the words
the way we make it obvious
why we are wasting time on you at all
or why we desperately need to know more of the world that
you know
you have survived
you have crawled through
you have climbed over
you have made beautiful
you have dignified
the reality that we manage the resources
that often stand between you and the respect you were born deserving
can and do often mislead us
to think that we could
if we wanted
speak unkindly with our eyes
suggest superiority with our tone and
communicate arrogance with our words
because we think that you need us
while all the while, the kingdom belongs to you.
God of those we attempt to marginalize, for our sakes, forgive us.
Lord hear our prayer.
djordan
108 S Church
These words come after yet another encouraging meeting where staff sit together to work and pray through what it means to remember that we are servants doing the work of Christ, knowing that in doing Christ’s work as he would do it, every interaction we have should reveal more of the dignity and worth inherent in every person. We don’t do it well all the time, or maybe rarely do it we do it well, but it is our heart at ARM to do so.
it’s the quiet conversations
the late night
emails, texts, calls, replies
it’s the quiet conversations
the early morning
coffees, meetings, book clubs, questions
it’s the quite conversations
the midday
confessions, drop-ins, lunches
where we realize that we are so close
to those we pretend to be so different from
and in finding out that we are wrestling
ultimately
with the same
fears
hopes
insecurities
questions
wonders
anxieties
sonnets
and in realizing that we are so close
we immediately feel so far
from being so all alone
and we give thanks.
djordan
Pine Tree Dr.
most hopeful 